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Ephesians 5:22–33
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Eph. 5:28–29a).
To ensure that his male readers have an adequate understanding of the degree of love they are to demonstrate toward their wives, Paul provides a second analogy. Not only are husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, he says, they are to love them as they love their own bodies, with a nourishing and cherishing love. Paul says this is the way husbands ought to love their spouses. The word ought is used to speak about that which is ethically imperative. Thus, this is not just some marriage counselor’s advice for husbands; this is a divine command for Christians.
Paul assumes, of course, that husbands do love themselves. Jesus assumed the same thing when He named the two great commandments: ‘ “ “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” ” ’ (Matt. 22:37–39). This second command has been a puzzler for commentators. Does it mean that we are to virtuously practice love for others even as we legitimately love ourselves? Or does it mean that we are called to love others as much as we sinfully love ourselves? The dispute is over whether self-love is selfishness. But Jesus and Paul alike are simply acknowledging that we all care about ourselves. There is no direct command here to love ourselves. We all simply have desires, needs, wants, concerns, and pains, of which we strive to take care. Husbands are to be as concerned about these needs of their wives as they are their own.
What does Paul mean by “cherishes”? Cherish is a word rarely heard today except in wedding ceremonies. It simply means to esteem something highly. Some may object that we esteem things, not people. But as husbands and wives, there is a sense in which we belong to one another. That is why we speak of “My wife” or “My husband.” We are to be one another’s most prized possessions. For husbands, wives are highly valuable gifts, and they are to be esteemed as such and therefore cherished, given what they need, that their value in their husbands’ eyes might grow.
As we have seen, the calling of the husband is high indeed. But so is that of the wife. We will turn our attention to her role tomorrow.
Coram Deo Living before the face of God
Husbands, do you cherish your wives? Do you esteem them highly, thinking of them as your most prized possessions? Take some time today, if you have never done so, to reflect on the reasons you value your wife, on ways your life would be impoverished without her. Just as you cherish your body and therefore nourish it, care for her.
For Further Study
- Genesis 29:18
- 1 Samuel 1:5
- 1 Corinthians 7:33