It felt like the end of the world to me. I remember it vividly. Our perfect, adorable, and very mobile little firstborn was in need of discipline. I adored this baby boy more than I can describe. He was the joy of my life and the delight of my heart. This tiny sinner was looking his parents straight in the eye, not heeding our warnings and gentle attempts to correct him. A parental intervention was needed.
We had babyproofed our home, but we wondered how our son would learn to obey us if there were no rules or consequences. How would he understand the word “no” or the results of his choices? We wondered how, in the face of such lavish love and provision, he would come to know that we were also to be respected and trusted. I didn’t want my son to fear me; I wanted him only to adore me. But I knew that was selfish. Disciplining children is a biblical mandate, and it was kind to him.
Children who grow up without discipline and respect for authority have a hard road ahead of them, but we believed that training our son to respect us would lead to a cycle of grace. He would learn to honor God’s authority as well as that of teachers, police officers, elders, and many other authorities in this world. We hypothesized that teaching our child to respect properly constituted authority would set him up for success in a world full of people he would need to listen to, learn from, and appreciate.
In the midst of our children needing discipline, we have abundant opportunities to earn their trust and show them that we are their champions and greatest earthly advocates. We can love them faithfully and sacrificially, teaching them that we are trustworthy and guiding them in lessons of obedience. Our children should never have to wonder if we love them, if they are the most important part of our lives, or if we will always put their welfare before our own.
When babies are born, parents must become a powerful team, prioritizing the needs of their little ones over their own or those of one another. A baby’s needs must come first almost all the time because they are so helpless and are in a time of formation that is particularly critical for the development of small bodies, brains, souls, and personalities. The tiniest ones need their parents the most. Although our kids may one day accuse us of a lack of love when we make them go to bed or turn off the TV, our persistent loving care for them from birth will help them to understand that even the very hard things that we had to do to love them well were always for their good and never to hurt them.
God’s Perfect Nursery
God demonstrates a similar approach to parenting in the garden of Eden. He did not completely babyproof His lavish nursery. In the opening chapters of Genesis, we watch God making spectacular preparations for His first baby, the man He would make in His image (Gen. 1:26–28). We watch the ultimate Father sparing no effort and taking great pleasure in each plant, animal, and cloud He made for His precious image-bearer. We marvel at a powerful Creator who takes time to step back, admire His work, and find joy in what He has made. It was not merely good—it was awesome. At its center, God created a perfect garden for Adam and showed him the world of beauty He had made for him. God walked with him, explaining His heart and His world to His young son.
Suddenly, the tone darkens and something changes. The narrative is so subtle, we can almost miss it. Adam learns that he is free to enjoy everything in his new home. Yet there is one tree from which he may not eat (Gen. 2:16–17). God said, “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die”(Gen. 2:17). Although there are many lessons we can learn from this narrative, let me suggest a few reasons why this was a very loving thing for God to do and some important insights this provides for us as we parent tiny sinners.
Lavish Love and Holy Fear
God’s creation was centered on Adam and what he would need to live in the world He had created. He surrounded Adam with His love and generosity, inviting him to know and enjoy his Father. God’s generosity and specificity is over-abundant, filling our senses, and Adam’s, with the glorious richness of color, taste, smell, warmth, and captivating beauty. The one thing that was initially “not good”—Adam being alone—was immediately addressed with the creation of woman, a “helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:20–24). Creation alone shouted to Adam that his Father loved him.
God was also present with Adam. This Father was always watching and frequently walking with His son, communicating with him, explaining all he needed to know, and teaching him how to look at the world through his Father’s eyes.
Raising precious image-bearers takes a great deal of time and effort. In the same way, surely the first thing that we want to communicate to our little ones is, “I am for you in all things,” and “I am good.” As I suggested earlier, we do that by providing for their needs, putting them ahead of ourselves, and caring for them with gentleness, interest, fun, abundant joy, and loving care.
Yet by giving Adam a rule, a warning, and a swift consequence in the garden, God was allowing Adam to know and understand Him more fully. God is not only a loving Father or generous benefactor. He is not Adam’s equal or peer. God is holy and powerful, and He is to be obeyed. There are consequences to living contrary to this Father. He does not wring His hands and hope Adam will comply, as if Adam were in charge of the world. God is a mighty ruler and King of the universe. This Father is also the powerful Creator in whom pure holiness, authority, kindness, and generosity reside together with no conflict at all. God is serious about our obedience, yet gentle and kind, full of patience and compassion toward His weak children who are made of dust (Gen. 2:7).
We have the profound privilege of being the first to demonstrate this to our little ones while they are tender and young. We are not God, but when we become parents, we wield responsibility over tiny creatures who are vulnerable and weak, completely at our mercy. We must think very carefully how we will use that responsibility for the good of our cherished children. Using our God-given responsibility well involves asserting loving authority in age-appropriate ways early on. To allow them to grow up believing that they are the center of the universe when they are not is unloving. They will face a world full of authorities and consequences, not just yours, so preparing them early on for such a world and such a God is wise and kind. Wielding our responsibility well also means loving them deeply and sacrificially, surprising them often with joyful delight and shaping their hearts and minds toward the love of their Creator. Overwhelming love and consistent discipline residing together is a winning combination.
Rebel Without a Cause
We all know how Adam’s story progressed. The man with everything decided he had to have just one more thing, the forbidden fruit (Gen. 3:1–6). Adam didn’t just disobey, he ran and tried to hide from God, lying and blaming his sin on Eve (Gen. 3:8–12). Now, as Adam’s children, we all sin and crave what is forbidden many times each day. We are quick to worship everything but our wonderful Father, and so are our children.
God swiftly punished Adam and Eve, following through on what He had said: “You will surely die” (Gen. 2:17). Banished from their beautiful garden and suffering the death they had been warned of, Adam and Eve found themselves naked, ashamed, and fallen in every part of their being. We expect this miserable story to end here. What more is there to say, after all? God did not owe Adam and Eve anything but the eternal punishment they deserved.
But the story had just begun. God was surprisingly kind to Adam and Eve in the face of such rebellion and in light of the consequences that ensued. God went looking for Adam (Gen. 3:9). He communicated, cared, and moved kindly toward His errant child. Adam ran away to hide, but God asked him why he was hiding. God knew exactly why Adam was terrified, but He continued to engage in dialogue and relationship as He asked questions and revealed the lies that piled on top of that first sinful decision.
God’s Redemptive Purpose
After God had exposed all the shady characters in this story, He pronounced a devastating curse on each one (Gen. 3:14–19). Perhaps this seems harsh to some of us because we don’t see the depths of Adam’s betrayal toward such a loving God. This Father was not a mean taskmaster or harsh villain. All His actions toward Adam and Eve showed His care for them. Yet even as Adam and Eve were cursed and expelled from paradise, God pronounced blessing for the future with a promise. The seed of the woman would one day earn back paradise (Gen. 3:15), and for the present, He covered their shame with soft, warm animal skins (Gen. 3:21).
The fulfillment of that promise arrived many years later in the birth of another baby boy. This little one did not arrive in the middle of a gorgeous garden. He was born into desperate poverty, a world rife with sin and every kind of filth, and the object of a vicious hunt to destroy Him (Matt. 2:16). He didn’t face just one temptation while surrounded with delicious food. Rather, He was tempted for a lifetime and harassed by an expert tempter while languishing with hunger in a desert (Matt. 4:1–11). This boy was one of kind. He did not need correction, for He loved and obeyed His Father perfectly in mind, heart, word, and deed. Jesus fully embraced His mission, even when it took Him to a cruel cross. On that mountain of unimaginable suffering, we come full circle from the garden of Eden, for the blessing promised in the garden, the only obedient One, hangs bleeding and struggling to breathe. It is horrible and beautiful all at once. Disobedience to our loving Creator is so horrendously grievous that the holy Creator Father sent His only begotten and beloved Son to break the power of that curse. Jesus was born into a world ruled by sin to rescue us from sin’s punishment and power. He became sin for us, taking on Himself the full culpability for the mountains of Adam’s sin, and ours, without ever sinning Himself in thought, word, or deed. He is far too glorious to absorb sin’s stain.
This is where we want to meet our children from their earliest days, not merely as authorities who lay down the law for them but as co-sinners who are desperately in need of Jesus to be our goodness because we have none of our own. They and we need the miraculous work of God to bring us to life and remake us into the image of His goodness and beauty, a work which He promises to complete through His Holy Spirit (Phil. 1:6).
As mini-creators, following in God’s parenting footsteps, we have the profound privilege of presenting God to our beloved little ones. Adam was not born in sin, but our little humans are. You may be surprised at the power of your child’s rage when you teach him that he cannot run your home and life. It’s a powerful urge. It’s tempting to back off and hope he will grow out of it, but he will not outgrow his sinful heart while he lives on earth. The gospel gives us courage to face the truth about ourselves and our kids. We are sinners together. If we babyproof our children’s lives, never crossing their strong wills, they can remain blind to their sin. We all want what we want, and our hearts explode when God says no. We must teach our kids to see their hearts so that one day they will see their need of a great and beautiful Savior. They need to see that God’s authority is loving and powerful, and He is not to be commanded or managed.
They also need to learn how to recover from their sin. God’s love for His children does not depend on their success in the obedience department. God knows their hearts and weakness, and He has compassion. He is gentle and patient with children and adults who struggle to obey and fail time and time again. He has provided all the goodness they need in His own spectacular Son, who drank the whole cup of his Father’s wrath against sin. Jesus’ perfect life, death, and resurrection earned back all that was lost by Adam’s sin and much more. In Christ, we are now sons and daughters of the living God, our Creator Father, and Jesus gives us His breathtaking goodness that obliterates our sin every day. And this grand promise is for us, our children, and our children’s children. And that is worthy of the grandest celebration.