Dealing with Anger

We have seen that there is a legitimate place for anger, but this emotion can be extremely dangerous, leading us into serious sin, with terrible consequences. We must guard against letting our own anger lead us into sin, and we must learn to deal with anger in others.

Socrates was convinced that there is a correlation between right understanding and right behavior. He believed that if someone needed to learn courage, for instance, it could be done by pursuing an intellectual understanding of courage. He probably was putting too much emphasis on the intellect, but Scripture does say that the way to the heart is through the mind. Thus, understanding the Biblical principles that are to govern our anger should help us control it. Of course, this intellectual understanding must be undergirded by a prayerful reliance on the Holy Spirit to help us in those moments when our anger threatens to lead us astray.

We also need to know ourselves well, to be aware of the “triggers” for our anger. Almost all anger is rooted and grounded in some kind of pain. It may be physical pain that upsets us. It may be some sort of personal loss, such as the theft of a prized possession. Or it may be a criticism or an insult, such as Nabal’s rude words to David. If someone causes us pain of some sort, we can easily respond in anger. Of course, such is not proper anger—it is selfish, and must be avoided. We are to leave the response for our pain in God’s hands. But this becomes easier to do when we know our vulnerable points, those aspects of our being that are prone to the pricks of pain. Pray that God will help you understand yourself in this way.

We also must strive to learn the proper response to anger in other people. We sometimes unintentionally cause pain to others, provoking an angry response. That anger, in turn, can anger us, igniting a vicious cycle. Thus, we need to be sensitive to what others are saying in their anger and be quick to apologize if we have caused pain. At other times, we become the target for the release of anger that we did not cause, and we need to be able to recognize this anger as misdirected. In such cases, the anger can often be defused by restraint on our part. As Proverbs declares, a “soft answer” heads off the vicious cycle because it does not return anger for pain.