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Proverbs 25 was arranged by the scribes of Hezekiah (v. 1), a king well acquainted with the defensive necessity of city walls (2 Kings 18). An ancient city was only as strong as its wall, which was proved at Jericho, and which compelled Nehemiah in his calling. Because of this fact of life in the ancient world, a strong wall became a symbol of protection and security, so that even the salvation of God is likened to a city wall (Isa. 26:1). Proverbs 25:28 takes this symbolism and turns it into a vivid and abiding lesson on the believer’s need to have self-control: “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
On one side of this simile, we have a man who (literally) “has no control over his spirit.” He is brash, intemperate, and self-indulgent. His words and actions bear no mark of forethought or restraint. He lives in the moment with impulse as his guide. Such a man is compared to the very image of vulnerability in the ancient world: a city without walls that has already been breached by the enemy. The point is that a man without self-control is easy prey. He is spiritually defenseless against the temptations of the world, the desires of the flesh, and the wiles of Satan himself. Eventually he becomes—like a wall-less city—an object of derision (Neh. 2:17).
The flip side of this image is Proverbs 16:32: “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” According to this proverb, self-control makes us (to borrow a phrase from Paul) “more than conquerors” (Rom. 8:37). To control your own spirit is a greater deed than to subdue a city, a comparison that hints at both the difficulty of the task and the strength that is needed. Where do we find such strength? Where does self-control begin?
Certainly not in ourselves, which is ironic. One could easily think that the term self-control implies that this power arises from within, but because of the reality of sin, nothing good comes from within us (Rom. 7:18) or through self-effort (John 15:5). Trying harder in our own strength to build this “wall” of self-control will produce only the spiritual equivalent of one enemy’s sardonic description of Nehemiah’s efforts: “If a fox goes up on it he will break down their stone wall!” (Neh. 4:3).
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23), so we ought to think of self-control as Spirit-control. Therefore, the first principle of self-control is to be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18), which is a growing experience in the Christian life the more we give ourselves wholeheartedly to the means of grace. A daily prayer life keeps our hearts grounded in the presence of God. A steady diet of the Scriptures will renew our minds with the truth and open our hearts to the gracious influence of the Holy Spirit. The communion of the saints, not only at the Lord’s Table but also in regular fellowship, keeps us accountable in the Christian life. Using our gifts to serve the church and bless other believers keeps our focus away from ourselves and on the priority of love. These are the bricks with which to build the missing wall in Proverbs 25:28. Being filled with the Spirit through these consistent patterns of life is the way that the Lord provides grace in the moment—you know the one: that moment that we all know too well, when we are suddenly tempted to lose our self-control. Building spiritual defenses is daily work, but it is delightful work and the only way to be ready when the moment of attack comes.
We can see these patterns in the life of Scripture’s preeminent wall-builder, Nehemiah. He was a man of fervent prayer (Neh. 1:4–11). He knew the Word and taught it to others (8:9). He ministered to God’s people and provided for them when they were in need (5:15–18). What’s more, he demonstrated great self-control in the face of mockery and opposition, responding not in anger but in prayer (4:1–9; 6:1–14). The result was that even his enemies could tell that his work was done by God (6:16).
Most of us are not so skilled as Nehemiah at building walls, physical or metaphorical. We all have had the experience of “losing it”—that is, our self-control—and as we struggle to be sanctified, we may experience it again. What do we do when we fail?
First, don’t make excuses. Repent to the Lord and to the person you wronged. A loss of self-control often has a human target. If so, go to that person, not to explain your actions but to repent for them and humbly ask for forgiveness. Second, realize that a loss of self-control means a failure to be controlled by the Spirit. Spend time in the Word and prayer, asking the Lord for renewal and for the continuing work of the Holy Spirit in your life (Ps. 51:10–11). Third, believe in and embrace the promise that “sin will have no dominion over you” (Rom. 6:14). We may have our moments of weakness, but our Savior is mighty. Trust in His righteousness for your forgiveness, and by His strength, begin again to build the spiritual bulwarks by cultivating the fruit of self-control through the means of grace.
Finally, it is a great joy and encouragement to remember that this daily spiritual labor is what paves the pathway to our heavenly home, which is portrayed as a city with “a great high wall” (Rev. 21:12). In the Lord’s perfect presence, there will be no more defenses to build, but only the peace and safety of His eternal grace.