Request your free, three-month trial to Tabletalk magazine. You’ll receive the print issue monthly and gain immediate digital access to decades of archives. This trial is risk-free. No credit card required.
Try Tabletalk NowAlready receive Tabletalk magazine every month?
Verify your email address to gain unlimited access.
Every morning, I wake up, make my coffee, and settle into my favorite chair, often without interacting with anyone else in my family. I spend time with the Lord and think through the day ahead. I’m ready to shine as a beacon of love, patience, and sacrificial service.
But then I encounter other people. Often my resolve crumbles under the weight of my own sin, and I struggle to love people as God commands. Too often, there’s a disconnect between my vertical relationship with Christ and my horizontal relationships with my husband, kids, and friends.
In this article, we’ll consider some of the countless ways that the gospel affects our everyday relationships. Relationships reveal our need for Christ, and they are transformed by our relationship with Him. Because we have been justified by faith and united to Christ, our relationships can thrive as they put Him on display to the world. We’ve been given all that we need in Christ, so we can freely share His love with others.
Our relationships reveal our need for Christ. As I leave the refuge of my morning time alone and enter the realm of other people, I realize how my sin affects my relationships. I don’t forgive my husband when he sins against me. I fail to show kindness and compassion to my kids, proving instead how irritable and impatient I am. My prideful heart fixates on what my friends think of me rather than how I can point them to Christ.
Our relationships force us to face the truth that we, like everyone else, “have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). We see our sin creep in when someone cuts us off in traffic, our efforts go unnoticed by a coworker, or a dear friend is closer to another friend than to us. Anger, self-centeredness, and jealousy overshadow the fruit of the Spirit that we’re called to display to others (Gal. 5:22–23).
Our relationships are transformed by our relationship with Christ. As our relationships reveal our sinfulness, we can run to our merciful Father and receive forgiveness freely given in His Son (1 John 1:9). Those who have received God’s gracious gift of redemption have died to sin and live by faith in the Son of God, who now lives in us (Gal. 2:20).
What does it mean to live by faith as single adults, spouses, parents, or friends? What does it look like, practically speaking, to have our relationships transformed by our relationship with Christ?
Our human tendency is to justify ourselves, relentlessly seeking to prove to ourselves and to others that we are good, valuable, and righteous. We often use relationships as pawns in this self-justification game. If we’re single, we look for a romantic partner who makes us feel worthy. We seek friends whose influence will propel us up the social ladder so that we won’t feel inferior. We use our families to justify ourselves through the love of our spouse or the good behavior of our children. We forget who we are in Christ and define ourselves according to our relationship status.
The good news of the gospel is that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Those who belong to Christ are justified by faith. God graciously forgave our sins and declared us righteous in His sight, not because of our good works but because of Christ’s perfect work (3:24–28). We don’t need to prove ourselves righteous because Christ’s righteousness has been credited to us (5:15–21).
The gospel sets us free from chasing self-justification through relationships. God’s gracious gift doesn’t depend on our likability, the success of our parenting, or the lack of conflict in our marriage. We can approach relationships as a way that we live in response to our justification rather than using relationships to justify ourselves.
When we walk in this freedom, it shifts our perspective. We love those who don’t love us back. We point people to Christ rather than puffing ourselves up. We don’t expect human relationships to meet an endless need for love, admiration, respect, or approval. We don’t ask others to be our savior, and we don’t try to be a savior to others.
If you have been justified by faith, consider these questions: How are you placing your faith in relationships, and how can you more fully place your faith in Christ? How are you looking to your marriage or other relationships to provide what Christ has already given? Are you riding the roller coaster of letting other people shape your identity as their approval of you rises and falls? Or are you walking in the freedom of gospel-transformed relationships, knowing that your justification in Christ is secure?
Our relationships thrive through our union with Christ. One of the spiritual blessings that we receive in salvation is union with Christ. The Spirit of Christ dwells in us, and we enjoy spiritual fellowship with God (1 Cor. 6:19; 1 John 1:3). We are branches connected to the Vine, through which we receive everything we need to glorify God in our relationships (John 15:1–5). Our union with Christ provides the foundation from which we build relationships and the framework through which we approach relationship struggles.
When we’re disappointed by unmet expectations, we can ask ourselves if we’re looking to someone else to provide what we can find only in Christ. We thought this relationship was heading toward marriage, but we find ourselves single again. We crave steadfast love, but our spouse seems distant. We want to feel seen and understood, but our friend was dismissive when we tried to share our pain. Rather than letting those moments push us into a protective shell of avoidance and bitterness, we can run to the Rock of Christ and find what we need in our fellowship with Him (Phil. 4:19).
When our children drain every last drop of our emotional stamina before breakfast, we love because Christ first loved us (1 John 4:19). We ask Him to give us a compassionate heart toward those who frustrate us, just as He has compassion on us (Matt. 11:29).
When our spouse doesn’t give us the respect we think we deserve, we can respond with humility and patience. God alone deserves all glory, honor, and praise. Yet He is patient with us when we worship the worthless idols of comfort, pleasure, and wealth. By His grace alone, we’re united to Christ, who left the glory of heaven to lay down His life for us (Phil. 2:6–8).
When we fear the disapproval of others, we can return to the foundation of our union with Christ. Maybe our kids rebel against our decisions, or our extended family disagrees with our career choices. We’re embarrassed by past mistakes, so we hesitate to go deeper in friendships and try to hide our flaws. But in Christ, our identity is secure. Nothing can separate us from God’s love (Rom. 8:38–39).
When conflict arises, we can acknowledge our sin and repent quickly, because we know that in Christ we are forgiven. His forgiveness also enables us to forgive others, even when it feels impossible. The cost of our forgiveness of others will never compare to the cost of God’s forgiveness of us (John 3:16). Those who know the lavish gift of God’s forgiveness are compelled to show lavish forgiveness to others (Col. 3:13).
When we feel the pain of rejection or betrayal, we cling to the One who will never leave us or forsake us (Ps. 34:18; Heb. 13:5). Human relationships may fail us, but Christ never will.
Maybe today you’re surveying your relationship landscape, and something is missing. You long for a spouse. You miss the closeness you used to feel with your adult children. You grieve the loss of a loved one due to distance, betrayal, or death. God often uses what we lack to increase our dependence on Him. The Lord will pour out the mercy and grace we need in every moment (Heb. 4:16).
As we apply the truth of our union with Christ to the challenges we face in relationships, we see our relationships differently. We navigate difficulties in ways that help our relationships thrive. More importantly, we draw closer to our Savior as we remember who He is and what He has done for us.
Our relationships put the glory of Christ on display. The ultimate purpose of our human relationships is to glorify God. God will use even our most challenging relationships for our good and His glory as He conforms us to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:28–29). He also works through our relationships to strengthen the church and advance the gospel.
Jesus prayed this for His disciples in John 17:20–21: “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”
When we pursue unity with other Christians, we are following the example of the Father and the Son. We’re living out the truth of our union with the Father and the Son.
The purpose of this unity goes beyond our own happiness or self-fulfillment. Our relationships in Christ show the world who He is. As we live by faith in gospel- transformed relationships, we can trust that God will use those relationships to sanctify His children, increase the unity of His people, advance His kingdom, and show the beauty of Christ to those still in need of Him.